Happy One Week to our favorite little man!
And what a week it has been. Last week Wednesday was four days past my due date and I tested positive for Covid. I was supposed to have a doctors appointment that day but instead ended up in the OBGYN ER to do my check up there. My doctor recommended we induce that day due to concerns of the size of my little one. Anthony and I decided to wait till the next day to have a good night’s sleep before starting the labor and delivery process.
Thursday we checked into the hospital, ran tests including an ultrasound measuring baby boy at 8 pounds 13 ounces, and started the inducement process. I was induced at 8:00 PM Thursday night and ended up delivering baby boy 22 hours later at 6:12 PM Friday, after over two hours of pushing.
Baby TJ was born weighing 9 pounds. I had some hemorrhaging and tears due to him being face up and needing to be turned before coming out and his overall size. Our first moments together meeting skin to skin
were also the time for me to be worked on by a team of six to stop my bleeding. Thank God for Anthony who kept reassuring me the whole time it would be okay as I could only hear the chaos surrounding the moment.
Finally, after a few hours of monitoring we made it down to the post partum area only for Anthony to then be hit with a fever. We were in the hospital for two more days and due to me being covid positive, I couldn’t have any visitors. Anthony could be with me, but he could not leave. If he were to leave, he would not be allowed back. We made the decision for him to stay (distanced and masked) since nobody else would be allowed to take his place.
After two rough days in the hospital, rough because of issues with the hospital and also people coming in every couple hours, we got to come home Sunday. Since Anthony was now positive, we continued our quarantining that had started before we went into the hospital for inducement, just now this time the guestroom housed the sick person and the master bedroom housed me and a newborn baby.
Routines can be established fairly quickly and while we were in the hospital I got the hang of diaper changes, swaddling and using their bassinet. Getting home I quickly realized all of that needed to be reestablished here, but this time there was no husband or nurse to help.
The next few days, TJ and I figured it out. And I’m blown away by the supernatural grace God supplies for a new mother. While none of this was what we thought it would look like or had even attempted to plan, I had to learn this past week to rest in knowing that none of it was a surprise to God.
I had gone into labor with Philippians 4:13 as my declaration that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. A few hours in, I quickly realized that was not the verse I needed. My cry began to be “God, your grace has to be sufficient for me and your power has to be made perfect in my weakness because I am too weak to do this on my own.” (2 Corinthians 12:9) It was a battle. It’s been a battle. But with so much joy within it.
God‘s presence is not about the absence of trials, but rather learning to recognize His presence in the midst of those trials and finding His joy which is promised in His presence. (Psalm 16:11) Learning to trust God when things are hard or not going according to your expectations, is when faith really meets the pavement. It’s been challenging for Anthony to be away from me and the baby and it’s been challenging for me keeping this precious newborn on my own. I’ve had to take moments where I cry and give all my disappointment, discouragement, and unmet expectations to God and then I’ve had other moments where I’m overwhelmed with complete joy for this little life. But that is life- sorrow and joy, mixed together and never sure which one you’ll get. But where you place your focus is what matters. If I stay stuck on the sorrow, I will be overcome by that. If I choose to focus on the joy, that will multiply. Doesn’t mean it’s not hard or not difficult, but looking for God in those moments keeps me going. On the cover of my current prayer journal, where I write prayers and verses and things I feel God is speaking, it says “I will choose to find joy in the journey that God has set before me.” That means good and bad, look for the joy. When you have this precious little life, it’s easy to find the joy, but this past week has been such a reminder that joy can always be found, you just have to look for it.