For years, I struggled with seeing singleness as a gift, rather than how I really saw it, as a curse. For years, I struggled with seeing my worth and my value. Thankfully, we serve a God who is all about changing our perspective and He has radically transformed mine. There are times I may still struggle with one or the other, but Jesus has redeemed my perspective and I do not struggle long. God is good. He speaks so beautifully in those times of worries, fears, and struggles. Nothing is wasted with Him. Thankfully He has shown me how the gift of singleness has never once been a waste because He has used it to reveal my true worth.
“The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord.” -Proverbs 18:22
“Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies.” – Proverbs 31:10
Both of those verses have something in common that I find very interesting. They both speak to a man finding his wife. Not a man who has a wife, not a man sought after by a women who later becomes his wife, but a man who he himself does the searching for a virtuous and capable wife. He looks for her. He finds her. He does the seeking. She waits to be found.
The Porch at Watermark Church has done several series on dating. During one of those the preacher JP said, “Treasure waits to be found.” I remember hearing it at the time and thinking that was good, but not dwelling on it or taking ownership of it. I didn’t get it. I couldn’t. I didn’t understand what it meant to be a treasure.
I like to take charge and get stuff done. I can be very impatient and inefficiency drives me crazy (*work in progress). I’m a multi-tasker and want to work smarter, not harder. Waiting for a husband seems really counterintuitive, so I thought. I wanted to be active in my dating life, not passive. I have tried online dating a few times; a couple times after a break-up when I was determined to find someone first (very healthy) and once after I was following Jesus thinking I needed to “put myself out there”. Horrible ideas on all fronts. Online dating is not for me. God doesn’t need any help. He knows exactly where I am at and what I need when I need it. I know that now. But the waiting, ugh! What was I supposed to do with the waiting?
Turns out my problem was not the waiting. The waiting has actually been my greatest ally. Turns out, the problem was my worth. I didn’t believe I was worthy. I didn’t believe I was valuable. I didn’t think of myself as a treasure. When I look back on past relationships, I am broken-hearted to think of what I accepted, of who I allowed in my life, of what I thought I wanted and what I defined as good. I lowered my expectations because I had low self-worth. Not hating on the guys I dated, we all have our struggles to deal with; I am hating on what I thought was okay. I hurt for the girl that was so hungry for love that she accepted the scraps of affection from broken men in need of a Savior. I never dated a Jesus follower and someone who doesn’t know Him doesn’t know true, sacrificial love. I was not a true follower of Jesus in those relationships and because of that brought my own issues, unfair expectations, and insecurities to it.
But God is a God of redemption. Jesus is our redeemer. He doesn’t just redeem our souls and save us from eternal death and separation from God. He comes to redeem our thinking, our worth, our circumstances, our desires, ALL things. The biggest area of redemption for me has been my worth. God has radically transformed my thinking when it comes to how I see myself.
For years, I masked insecurity with confidence. I’ve always portrayed myself as a confident women, but that was a lie I lived with for many years. It wasn’t until about a year ago, when I joined a community group (a group of people meeting regaulary to help each other grow in Jesus) that I realized my dark hole of self-worth. We were studying Beth Moore’s Esther Bible study and looking up Scripture about our position as followers of Christ. We were to read the scripture and chose if we thought it applied to us Figuratively, Spiritually, Literally, or Not at All. The correct answer to all were literally. None of my choices were, most were not at all. Did I really have such a low view of myself? YES! Unfortunately, yes. I had such a low view of myself and my position that it blew me away. I had started to buy my own lies about confidence, but when questioned about it, it all shattered.
But God is a God who reveals so that He can heal. He revealed my low view of self worth to be able to transform my thinking and heal it so I could truly see myself as a chosen, treasured daughter of the King. It’s an ongoing learning situation, but in less than a year He has radically transformed my thinking.
The reason I struggled with truly grasping the words “Treasure waits to be found,” is because I didn’t see myself as a treasure. Perhaps I felt I needed to “do” in my singleness because if I sat too long, I would realize my true thoughts within. God has gifted me with the gift of singleness to make me aware of my inadequacies and fill them with the greatest gift of all- more of Him. I shudder when I think about if I had gotten married any time in my past. It would have been a train wreck! I would have been looking at a man to heal and fix what only God can. But because God has gifted me with singleness, I was and am able to work on areas of myself that will put me in a better, more secure position when it is time for marriage. Praise God for singleness!
I now see myself as I should- a daughter of the most high King. I am royalty. I am chosen. I am a royal priesthood. I am a treasure. I am valuable. I am beautiful. I am set apart. I am a princess. I used to think it was prideful to think like that. It is not prideful at all. Humility is about recognizing your position. I am all of those things because I am under and serve a God who has given me that position, who has called me those things, who showed me my worth by sending Jesus to save me. He has restored my worth, shown me my position, and redeemed my perspective.
I am a treasure and treasure waits to be found. Why? Because Treasure knows her position and the calling that comes with it. Treasure is a princess of the one true King. As a princess, she does not sit around in the castle all day waiting for her prince to find her. What a waste of a life! Instead, Treasure is a princess of the people. Treasure cares for the people around her, attending to their needs. Treasure is actively at work to make the world a better place. Treasure meets people to introduce them to her Father, the King. When it comes to waiting on God, it is not a passive wait. It is a proactive wait of serving the Kingdom and bringing others into it. Not with an attitude of passing the time, but an attitude of worth knowing the greatest gift is the gift of the King.